Another due date coming and going. I should be doing something else this weekend but it passes as any other summer day.
Image by Art and Ghosts
I read this a couple of nights ago and it has stuck with me. I have often spoke of feeling haunted by children who aren't here after my miscarriages and this passage finally put it into words for me.
""You have children--not in the world inhabited by other people but in the private world of your heart--you have children you will never get to mother. They are secret children, like those children you read about, confined to an attic or a closet. No one but you recognizes their existence, you yourself don't even know their form, their genders, the shape of their noses, the color of their eyes, and yet the strength of their souls flutter inside your heart like a caged bird's wings. As a mother, it is your job to get them out into the world, but you have failed them hopelessly, and so they haunt you, inhabiting a hyper-reality that, in the middle of the night, feels truer and more real than any reality you have ever known. They are your children, and you are their mother. Yet you do not stop your life for them. Instead, you go on."""
We have no money to spare but i need, NEED Heather Ross's new line "Far, Far Away". It is gorgeous and magical and perfect for my 6 year old who has an imaginary unicorn in her room.
I stole this image from this Etsy shop. Hopefully she(he?) won't get mad at me as i will be buying some up from them on payday. And i did link my 2 readers to their shop so that's gotta count for something, eh?
I suppose i should blog about this as it's consumed every spare minute of the last three months. My goal was to run it in 2:10 but i missed it by about 10 minutes. Actually, 11. I'll spare the excuses! It was fun, i'm glad i did it but so glad it's over.
The atmosphere is amazing. The people, bands on every corner and just the sheer joy of the crowd is worth killing myself to run 13.1 miles. It took 47 minutes after they said "Go!" to get to the starting line. 47 minutes. That's a lot of people. 40,000 to be exact. I was in gate O, as in the letter not zero, so i have no idea how long people in gate Z had to wait. That's a long time at 7am at 40 degree, drizzly weather. We weren't even around the first turn(the course is basically a HUGE circle) when we saw the winners coming around, FINISHING! We weren't even at the mile marker yet!!
I gave myself last week off to recover and i'm back to my usual Y grind again. I'm signed up for next year and for the Fort Wayne mini marathon in September. I'm hoping i'll be pregnant so i can get out of them. I think that's a good excuse!